Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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