Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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