just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
