You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
