Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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