is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
