Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
