Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
