It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
