I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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