My first STD was from a foam party
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
