I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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