Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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