When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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