She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
