Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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