you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
