I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
