problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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