you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
