it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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