I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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