i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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