Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
