Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
