What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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