blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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