I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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