i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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