I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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