some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
