new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
