the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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