i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
