I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
