No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
