My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
