Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
