It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
