She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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