She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
ok first of all what the fuck
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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