george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
