These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my shit smells like andre
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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