If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she told me i tasted like america
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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