I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
