Don't you send me to vm
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
