my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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