you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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