do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish you could order shots online.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
