I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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