If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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