I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
