I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
